How Childhood Attachment Styles May Cause Emotional Eating in Adulthood
- Coach Alan
- 1 day ago
- 9 min read
Why You Can’t Stop Emotional Eating: The Link Between Childhood Attachment and Adult Habits
You don’t have a willpower problem. You have a regulation strategy that’s working exactly as it was designed to.
We’ve all been there: The day started with perfect intentions; chicken, greens, and hydration.
But by 10 PM, you’re standing at the kitchen counter, eating ice cream straight from the tub or finishing the kids’ leftovers without even tasting them.
The immediate aftermath is always the same: Shame.
You tell yourself that tomorrow you’ll "be stronger" or "try harder". But tomorrow comes, and the cycle repeats.
This cycle happens because we often mistake a regulation issue for a character flaw. If you’ve felt stuck in this loop, you might find my guide on how to stay consistent with weight loss without being perfect helpful for reframing your approach.
Here is the truth that the fitness industry rarely tells you:
Emotional eating is rarely about the food.
Research shows that for many, eating is a learned emotional regulation strategy (Macht, 2008). In moments of stress, your nervous system isn't looking for calories; it’s looking for safety.
To understand why your brain chooses a biscuit tin over a deep breath, we have to look back at how you first learned to handle discomfort.
If you are still trying to identify your own patterns, you can explore my comprehensive what is emotional eating FAQ hub for deeper insights into how this behaviour manifests.
The Connection Between Childhood Attachment and Adult Eating Behaviour
Understanding Attachment Theory and Emotional Regulation:
Attachment theory proposes that infants learn how to regulate stress and emotion through repeated interactions with caregivers (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth et al., 1978).
When caregivers respond in a reasonably consistent and attuned way, children gradually develop an internal sense that:
Distress can be tolerated
Needs can be met
Emotions rise and fall without catastrophe
Over time, these experiences can support the development of self-regulation, trust in others, and trust in oneself.
Why Unmet Needs in Childhood Influence Adult Coping Strategies:
When caregiving is inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or unpredictable, children may not fully develop these internal regulatory skills.
This does not require overt trauma.
Research indicates that subtle but chronic mismatches in emotional attunement can influence how individuals learn to manage distress later in life (Schore, 2001).
In adulthood, not only can this impact our relationships, but it can increase reliance on external regulation strategies, including food.
How Attachment Patterns Can Influence Eating Behaviour
Why Food Becomes a Powerful Tool for Emotional Regulation:
Food has several properties that make it effective for short-term emotional regulation:
It is predictable and readily available
It activates reward pathways in the brain
It can reduce physiological stress responses temporarily
Laboratory studies show that palatable food can dampen stress-related cortisol responses, particularly in individuals under chronic stress (Dallman et al., 2005).
This does not mean food is “the problem”. On the contrary, it may be perceived as a short-term solution to a deeper problem.
How Different Attachment Styles Impact Eating Patterns
Common Patterns That Appear Around Food | ||
Attachment Style | Common Eating Pattern | Underlying Need |
Anxious | Bingeing/Emotional eating during loneliness or perceived rejection | Connection / Reassurance |
Avoidant | Rigid rules / Restriction | Control / Self-Reliance |
Disorganised | "Start-Stop" cycles / Chaos | Clarity / Safety / Stability |
Anxious Attachment and Emotional Overeating
Associated research links attachment anxiety with higher levels of emotional and binge eating, particularly during periods of perceived stress or rejection (Wilkinson et al., 2010).
This can present as:
Eating in response to anxiety or loneliness
Cycles of overeating followed by guilt
Heightened fear of losing control around food
Avoidant Attachment and Rigid Food Rules
Avoidant attachment has been associated with emotional suppression and rigid self-control strategies (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
This can look like:
Strict food rules
Difficulty asking for support
All-or-nothing thinking around diet and body image
Disorganised Attachment and Inconsistent Eating Habits
Disorganised patterns are linked with higher behavioural inconsistency under stress (Lyons-Ruth & Jacobvitz, 2016).
Around food, this may appear as:
Restriction followed by overeating
Frequent restarting of diets
Feeling conflicted or adversarial toward the body
These are patterns, not diagnoses.
Case Study: Overcoming the Cycle of Restraint and Overeating
Sarah (a composite example based on several real clients, with identifying details changed) came to me believing she lacked discipline.
She would diet strictly during the week, then overeat on weekends after one perceived slip.
Through psychoeducation and coaching, she began to recognise a familiar pattern: self-denial followed by emotional depletion.
Research on restraint theory shows that rigid dietary control often increases the likelihood of overeating under stress (Polivy et al., 1979).
When Sarah understood this, the goal shifted from “trying harder” to building flexibility and emotional tolerance.
Why Understanding the Pattern Changes the Experience
Insight alone does not "fix" behaviour.
But research shows that self-compassion reduces shame-based cycles and improves behavioural consistency (Neff & Germer, 2013).
Reframing emotional eating as an understandable coping response often reduces the intensity and frequency of the behaviour itself.
Not because the urge disappears overnight, but because the internal threat response softens.
How to Stop Emotional Eating: 4 Evidence-Based Strategies
If emotional eating is a strategy for safety, we cannot "white-knuckle" our way out of it. We have to give the nervous system better tools. Changing these patterns isn't about force; it’s about building healthy habits without relying on willpower.
Here are four evidence-based strategies to begin that process:
Step 1. Practice "Curiosity Over Critique" (The HALT Method)
Instead of beating yourself up after the fact, become a scientist of your own behaviour. Use the HALT method to identify the "Why" behind the urge.
The Pause: When the urge hits, ask: "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?"
The Goal: This mirrors mindfulness-based interventions that have been shown to reduce binge frequency (O’Reilly et al., 2014). You aren't trying to stop the eating yet; you’re just trying to notice it.
Step 2. Identify the "Functional Need"
Every behaviour serves a purpose. If you are reaching for food, ask yourself: “What is this behaviour trying to do for me right now?”
Stress/Overwhelm: Are you looking for a "numbing" effect?
Loneliness: Are you looking for "warmth" or a surrogate for connection?
Control: Is food the only thing in your day you feel you can choose?
Pro Tip: Once you name the need, the "threat" response in your brain often begins to soften.
Step 3. Expand Your "Regulation Menu"
You cannot take away a coping mechanism (food) without replacing it with something else. Evidence-based alternatives include:
Sensory Grounding: Use the "5-4-3-2-1" technique to bring your focus back to the room.
Brief Social Connection: Sending a quick text to a friend can satisfy the "attachment" need that often triggers emotional eating.
Gentle Movement: A 5-minute walk can lower the cortisol response that drives cravings (Dallman et al., 2005).
Step 4. Apply "Radical Self-Compassion"
Self-criticism is biologically stressful. When you criticize yourself, you spike your own cortisol, which, ironically, may make you want to eat more to soothe that new stress.
The Reframe: Switch from "I'm failing again" to "It makes sense that I want to eat right now because I’m feeling [X]. I am safe, and I can handle this feeling."
The Result: Self-compassion is linked to better behavioural consistency and less "shame-spiralling" (Neff & Germer, 2013).
Professional Scope: Coaching versus Psychotherapy
Although I have completed four years of psychotherapy training with the IICP and provide counselling and psychotherapy, in my health and fitness work, I do not provide psychotherapy to personal training clients or treat eating or emotional disorders.
My role is to provide psychoeducation and behaviour change coaching as part of my holistic Mind Body Training approach, which integrates mental and physical health.
If someone is working through significant trauma, eating disorders, or mental health conditions, therapy with a different, appropriately qualified clinician is recommended.
Coaching and therapy serve different functions, and they can complement one another.
Final Thoughts
Emotional eating is not evidence of failure.
For many people, it reflects a nervous system using familiar strategies to manage discomfort.
With understanding, skills practice, and appropriate support, these patterns can change.
Not through force.
But through consistency, flexibility, and learning new ways to regulate stress.
Further Resources
As you learn to respond to your needs with compassion rather than food, you begin to rebuild the most important relationship you have: the one with yourself. For more on this, read my thoughts on what body confidence actually means and how it starts with trust, not weight loss.
Here are some additional resources:
Explore the Hub: For more answers to common questions, visit my Emotional Eating FAQ Page.
Take Action: If you recognised yourself in this article and want structured support to change your eating patterns in a sustainable way, I can help. My 10 Day Reset Trial focuses on nutrition, movement, and mindset, with daily support and practical tools designed to reduce self-sabotage and build consistency. See the 10 Day Reset Trial here.
The Psychology of Eating: Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I eat more when I’m feeling lonely or insecure?
This often stems from "Attachment Anxiety." When we feel a lack of emotional safety, our brain may seek an external source of dopamine and comfort. Food, specifically high-sugar or high-fat options, mimics the "reward" feeling of a secure connection, temporarily filling an emotional void (Wilkinson et al., 2010).
Is "emotional eating" actually a real biological thing?
Yes. It’s not just "lack of willpower." When you're stressed, your body releases cortisol. Chronic cortisol elevation makes you crave energy-dense foods because they can actually dampen the brain's "alarm system," providing a physiological (though temporary) sense of calm (Dallman et al., 2005).
How do I stop using food to soothe my emotions?
Research suggests that "Mindfulness-Based Interventions" are the most effective. By learning to pause and identify the emotion (like anger or sadness) before reaching for the food, you may break the automatic loop of impulsive eating (O’Reilly et al., 2014).
Why does my childhood affect how I eat today?
Our early bond with caregivers creates an "Internal Working Model" for how we handle distress. If you weren't taught how to process big emotions as a child, you may have defaulted to food as your first "self-soothing" tool. A habit that can carry into adulthood (Ainsworth et al., 1978; Schore, 2001).
Can practicing self-compassion actually help me lose weight?
It helps by stopping the "shame cycle." When you're kind to yourself after a slip-up, you're less likely to experience the "disinhibited eating" (the "I've already blown it" effect) that can lead to binges (Neff & Germer, 2013).
About The Author
Coach Alan is a qualified ITEC Level 3 Personal Trainer with over 9 years of coaching experience, and the founder of Mind Body Training, where he works as an online personal trainer in Ireland to help clients achieve sustainable fat loss and long-term behaviour change. He is also a psychotherapist-in-training, having completed his four-year training in 2025 with the Irish Institute of Counselling and Psychotherapy (IICP). His coaching approach is informed by evidence-based principles from psychology, nutrition, and exercise science, with a strong focus on mindful habit formation and realistic lifestyle change. You can learn more about Coach Alan here.
Mind Body Training provides coaching, education, and personal training services, not personal therapy or clinical counselling. Clients seeking therapeutic support are encouraged to work alongside a different qualified mental health professional where appropriate.
References
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
Dallman, M. F., Pecoraro, N. C., & la Fleur, S. E. (2005). Chronic stress and comfort foods: Self-medication and abdominal obesity. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, 19(4), 275–280. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbi.2004.11.004
Herman, C. P., Polivy, J., Lank, C. N., & Heatherton, T. F. (1987). Anxiety, hunger, and eating behavior. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 96(3), 264–269. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.96.3.264
Lyons-Ruth, K., & Jacobvitz, D. (2016). Attachment disorganization from infancy to adulthood: Neurobiological correlates, parenting contexts, and pathways to disorder. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (3rd ed., pp. 667–695). The Guilford Press. https://books.google.ie/books?id=2L6CCwAAQBAJ
Macht, M. (2008). How emotions affect eating: A five-way model. Appetite, 50(1), 1–11. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2007.07.002
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/Attachment-in-Adulthood/Mikulincer-Shaver/9781462533817
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21923
O’Reilly, G. A., Cook, L., Spruijt-Metz, D., & Black, D. S. (2014). Mindfulness-based interventions for obesity-related eating behaviours: A literature review. Obesity Reviews, 15(6), 453–461. https://doi.org/10.1111/obr.12156
Polivy, J., Herman, C. P., Younger, J. C., & Erskine, B. (1979). Effects of a model on eating behavior: The induction of a restrained eating style. Journal of Personality, 47(1), 100–117. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1979.tb00617.x
Schore, A. N. (2001). Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1-2), 7–66. https://doi.org/10.1002/1097-0355(200101/04)22:1%3C7::AID-IMHJ2%3E3.0.CO;2-N
Wilkinson, L. L., Rowe, A. C., Bishop, R. J., & Brunstrom, J. M. (2010). Attachment anxiety, disinhibited eating and body mass index in adulthood. International Journal of Obesity, 34, 1442–1445. https://doi.org/10.1038/ijo.2010.72